Friday, February 27, 2009
In my head (FICTION)
I really can't seem to think clearly lately, thought Delilah to herself. She made herself a cup of fresh coffee, sat down in her favorite chair and gazed out the window, hardly noticing the dark clouds just hanging overhead. From this perspective, everything looked gray and sullen. What to do now, she thought. Whom to talk to? She longed to have a friend to discuss these kinds of things with, but how to broach such a subject? She was deeply ashamed of her thoughts alone, nevermind the actions that would inevitably follow. Would she find the strength to voice such atrocities aloud? And if so, who would be willing to listen?
Strength was what she needed most at the moment, regardless of which path she took. If she did the decent thing, it would mean a permanent change in her life. Would she be able to come to terms with her new role? On the other hand, if she followed her heart, she would hurt, no destroy, the man she loved above all else.
Delilah and Henry had such a wonderful relationship. Everyone agreed. It was like a match made in heaven, they simply completed each other. Lately, though, Delilah sensed a kind of distance from him, a lack of understanding. Perhaps it was her doing? Perhaps it's not him being distant, but me pushing him away, she thought. She took a long sip of the black coffee. The bitterness and the warmth of the drink seemed to awaken a new resolve in her.
She must do it, there is no other way out. But Henry will never know the truth of it. He would never forgive her for such a thing. Delilah wasn't sure she could forgive herself. Henry would still be devastated, but at least he won't be angry. He won't start asking questions that she cannot answer, questions she has been asking herself. Yes, she thought, finishing off the cup, this is the only way it can be.
She got up from her chair and walked over to the massive bookshelf leaning against the wall. On the bottom shelf, was an updated Yellow Pages. She pulled the heavy book out, her hands shaking. Her decision had been made. Why, she wondered, don't I feel any relief?